• Kara Abernathy

A Letter to My Former Single Self

Dear My Former Single Self,

I wish you could see right now how the Lord will provide a husband at just the right time. I wish you knew how your timelines matched up – how you were both in seasons of mismatch until it was time. I wish you recognized that when you felt lonely and ready to meet someone, he wasn’t, and vice versa.

I know being single on Valentine’s Day is difficult. It may be a cliché, but it's still painful. It’s easy to get caught up in comparison. It’s a silly holiday, but it’s just one more reminder of the sting of loneliness.

Right now, you don't really have any idea of how the Lord is working. When you figure it out, you will be astonished.

He’s paving the way for you and your future husband. He’s clearing the path. He’s getting your future spouse through the majority of medical school. He’s securing you a teaching position and settling you in a career. He’s piecing together the puzzle so that you are both emotionally ready to date.

I know this holiday brings scars to the surface. It reminds you of love lost, broken relationships, and unmet hopes.

Kara, use Scripture to combat all of those negative emotions and thoughts.

“He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure” (Ps. 147:3-5).

Don’t forget that God alone is the One who fully heals your broken heart. God alone can provide sufficient comfort to your lonely heart.

It’s easy to put a band-aid on your discontentment. It’s easy to pass time with Netflix. It’s easy to busy your social calendar.

While those things are not inherently bad, they are only temporary distractions. Only the Lord is a foolproof solution.

Don’t just stop at the verse that discusses God’s ability to heal your broken heart. Notice that He is not just the Healer; He’s the Creator of the Universe.

He holds all power, and He has understanding that you can’t comprehend.

Let the Lord comfort you and care for you. But remember, God will work it out in His understanding, which is beyond your own ability to reason.

His timing is different than yours.

Right now, you don’t really know anyone you’re interested in dating. Right now, you see relationships forming around you, and it makes you jealous. Right now, you wish you knew the end result.

He’s working in ways you can’t comprehend now. But someday, you will.

Someday, you’ll be married and see how God was inching His timeline along so that you could meet someone you least expected to marry. Someday, God will completely break down what you thought was your “type” and introduce you to a man of character who wants to boldly pursue you. Someday, you’ll understand God’s power was more than you’d understand in the temporary circumstance.

Kara, the pressure you put on yourself and others on Valentine’s Day is foolish. Avoid the temptation to scroll through social media and scan post after post of relationship pictures.

I know you haven’t met your spouse yet. I know you both are single right now and desire to find one another. I know he’s getting over a breakup, and I know you don’t want to go through another one.

Don’t worry. God’s got this. He’s going to work it out. He has it all under control.

Repeat that to yourself. Even if sometimes you doubt it, repeat it: God’s got this! God’s got this!

Don’t be dramatic this holiday. Speak the truth of Scripture over your loneliness.

Count on the Scriptures regardless of your relationship status. God proclaims your future. He tells you that you are sought out, wanted, and pursued by Him.

“And they shall be called The Holy People,
The Redeemed of the LORD;
and you shall be called Sought Out,
A City Not Forsaken” (Isa. 62:12).

When you feel lonely, remember God seeks you out. He will redeem you. He will not forsake you. It’s difficult to remember those truths at the moment, but the more you remind yourself of them, the stronger they will take hold in your heart.

Someday, when you’re married, you’ll look back on your years of singleness and feel completely grateful for how the Lord made you wait to find a man like your spouse. I promise.


Your Married Self

P.S. His name is Josh!

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© 2019 Kara Abernathy

Disclaimer: my thoughts do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of my employer.